Why I am Breaking Up with my Business Coach
By Dr. Jinju Dasalla
I'M BREAKING UP WITH MY BUSINESS COACH. I have been processing much disillusionment, frustration and even anger the last couple months, and I am finally ready to bless and release so that I can move forward embracing a model of business that is fully aligned with my values. I'm ready to let go of the belief that "I don't know anything about growing a successful business because I never studied it."
I'm ready to deepen trust in MYSELF and stop looking outside myself for the answers to my business questions. I now see the GIFT of not being traditionally trained in business so that I can create something new and not base my "strategy" on "proven methods" of the past. Indeed, through this breakdown, I have broken through to realize:
In our business (Soul Flow Alchemy), WE STAND FOR:
Sustainability built around a healthy balance of both masculine and feminine (yang & yin) principles including self-care, soulful alignment, and spiritual daily practices for all involved
Intentional, conscious, and compassionate living for all involved
Business based on relationships, community-building, a safe space for self-expression and authentic voice
Business based on under-promising and over-delivering rather than the opposite
Business in which everyone involved feels and knows they are genuinely vested and part of a family
Keeping the best interest of my clients, colleagues, and partners, in mind and in heart
The "bottom line" being based on all of the above being just as important as the "money"
I am clear that what I stand for is not rooted in any kind of "lack or scarcity" mindset. I am clear of how abundant I am and always will be. And I am clear that I love money and have no shame in my desire to have my cup always overflow with more than I need so that I can be as generous as I want with the world around me.
Ok... now for any of you who care to learn where all of this is coming from... and I'm curious if any of you have or might currently be experiencing this and have any insights to share:
We signed a 6-month contract with a business coach, and about half way, through a series of several questionable exchanges, lost trust in this person. From the beginning, there were definitely some yellow flags, but he was highly recommended, so we decided to let go of our concerns, and trust in his process.
By the end of about 10 weeks, he did bring some monetary value to our business, and we are grateful for that. The following weeks, however, things went downhill. Without going into too much detail, we've ultimately become uninspired to continue working with this coach.
I asked him if we could pause our coaching journey until there was more space and capability to move forward. He declined my request. We continued to “work together” for a couple more weeks and I just didn’t feel support in they way I was requesting it. In fact, I began to feel like a number to him and it became clear that he wasn’t even reading my emails. I then shared that I just don’t feel comfortable or aligned working with him and I requested a partial refund for the remaining time of the contract. He declined that request as well.
There have definitely been a couple tangible promises he has not followed through with, that might be reason alone to be un-inspired, but the real core of the matter for me is that I've realized his philosophy and approach to business is not aligned with mine.
And so this touches on a much bigger conversation and question of, "How do we create new-paradigm, sustainable models of business that are shaped by a more feminine (flexible, soft, nurturing, etc.,..) essence as well as commitment to financial growth?" Business that has ALL INVOLVED feeling good and thriving forward. Business based on cooperation rather than competition.
Business that can be more in FLOW with natural rhythms of being human, of life, and the natural rhythms of our world.
I know, I know... this is such the billion dollar question for so many. I know I'm not the only one who is asking this question.
Circling back to our recent experience... In one of our exchanges with this coach he insisted that it's important to be RIGID as a business owner. For example, if something personally challenging came up with one of my clients, that I should really push them beyond what might be healthy, to continue doing business with me.
In response to this, I wrote:
"I hear your points about why it’s important to be so rigid as a business owner or in the ways we conduct business. Thank you for sharing your beliefs based on what has brought you “success”. My belief is that we have created too many unsustainable models of business in this world based on that kind of logic. This is at the core of why our world is falling apart, politically, economically, environmentally, and socially. We have over the last few hundreds, if not thousands, of years let the masculine (and I don’t mean gender) way of being be the dominant way. So much so, even women have forgotten how to feel their feminine essence in today's world, especially in business.
And… THIS (awakening that feminine essence) is such a big part of my work with the movement, flow, and Inner Fire coaching. So I’ve been calling in a business coach who can or already sees the imbalance within the traditional and dominant ways of conducting business today. I've been calling in a business coach who sees that much of the healing work we collectively and individually face has everything to do with the traumas & wounds that have been inflicted and somehow justified… Rape at one far extreme of the spectrum, raping of women, raping of indigenous cultures and the planet herself… to circumcision and/or even cry it out sleep training for babies… from the time we are born most of us are told and forced into the most unnatural and unhealthy rhythms… all for the sake of preserving our productivity levels during a time when we really should be tending to our infants in their natural rhythm… and then we have our public school systems… and our military… and the list goes on and on.
And I am noticing in my work with you and other business consultants that most people have no other perceived choice than to model their businesses according the same rigid, masculine values & principles that have brought us to where we are now… TRUMP, case in point.
And when Sekai was born, we got to see and experience for ourselves that families/children are of the hardest hit by this kind of mentality. Nova was given barely 2 weeks of paternity leave… yeah, because of the same reasons you listed about the importance of not losing momentum… Nova was not able to perform at his optimal level and was let go when Sekai was only a few months old.
And then… realizing that becoming parents is so hard, harder than just about anything else a human being in this society can take on (besides death of a loved one)… and there’s just very little empathy, compassion and support for families going through these kinds of transitions… I even realized what an asshole I’ve been all my life not realizing what new mothers & fathers went through… I have so many friends who had kids much earlier and I wish I was more supportive, but I just didn’t know.
And now…. I have to ask… What do you feel a more sustainable and feminine model of business would/could look like?"
It's been a few weeks since I wrote this to him and he still hasn't answered my question. He's answered other questions, but not this one.
And that's ok. I know he's doing the best he can do with what he knows and how he's been trained. I don't have the answers either, but I am committed to moving toward this vision, no matter how many failures, and looking like a fool, I know there's a way to get there and together, we can create it, we must.
And to be clear, I have nothing against the Masculine Way. There's are times we must be rigid, fast, competitive, logical, linear, skeptical, no non-sense, critical, and even forceful. And I know we can all learn how to balance this with the softer, slower, compassionate, loving, nurturing Maternal Way within us all.
I will close with this gem I learned from my mentor, Dr. Elisabet Sahtouris, a traditionally trained biologist & scientist, like myself:
If we look to Mother Nature, we can find the answers. In fact, we need not look any further than within the cellular world within us. The principles of economics within our cells is quite intelligent. The currency used in our bodies is a molecule many of us know as ATP (adenosine tri-phosphate). The power plant producing this energy inside every cell is our mitochondria. The cell ensures that every process receives enough energy to be sustained. The same goes for our heart, pumping nutrients and oxygen to every part of our body without any discrimination. Every organ innately knows its purpose and can simply live it. Imagine if our liver had to worry about HOW to get the energy it needed to fulfill it's purpose? And what would happen if suddenly the heart said, "Nope, liver, we are going to cut off your power today, or, hey kidneys, I've got my own family to take care of and I'm sorry, but I can't help you."
I know this may seem like a far stretch for some minds, and my hope is that we can collectively come to a way of doing business that reflects the intelligence of what Nature has taken billions of years to figure out.
And until there are bigger shifts in the infrastructure of our global modern day economic principles, we have to do what we can within our micro-business worlds.
Again, I don't have the answers but I keep wondering, "What if every client, patient, customer, colleague, employee and beyond, was treated as if they were your own child, sister, brother, mother or father?" Yes, it would make business very personal, and how would that be a "bad" thing?
Ok... damn! That was a lot! Thank you so much for reading and letting me share... I welcome any insights or questions any of you may have. And I am grateful for the breakthroughs and growth that are arising from this challenge.
Namaste & Light-filled Blessings in all your Business Ventures,